Recently someone commented on our YouTube channel something to effect of, “People need to stop whining about trauma.” We hear this all the time. It’s the idea that with enough time and white-knuckling it, you should be strong enough to get over your past. And sometimes that is how it works. Often, in fact, people are able to come out of hard situations, learn from it, and move on.
But when that doesn’t happen, it doesn’t mean you’re weak, and it doesn’t mean it will just magically disappear.
Our understanding of healing trauma has evolved significantly, revealing a much more nuanced and compassionate path than simply wishing away the past. This blog post aims to debunk this myth and offer a trauma-informed perspective on true healing.
Why Trauma Equals Not Getting Over It
First of all, let’s talk about what trauma is. When we talk about “trauma” in the therapy world, we aren’t simply talking about a specific type of event. Things can be traumatic without causing trauma. I know. That sounds stupid, but stay with me. Trauma is when something bad happens and it overwhelms our system. But not every bad thing overwhelms us. Often, we have the ability internally to process through the feelings and/or the support around us to get us through. So, this might be a car accident that shakes you up, but you think to yourself “I’m safe now”. You have people around you that show you care and help you to move through the aftermath of the accident. Your body lets go of the adrenaline and returns to normal. After a reasonable amount of time, you’re able to get back into the car and feel calm. You don’t experience trauma as a result.
But let’s say that you go through the car accident and get stuck in “I’m going to die!”. Your life is crazy hectic and you don’t have time to feel cared for or to process through the emotions. You just move from one stressor to the next. Your body doesn’t release the energy, but instead turns it into pain and injury. Now we have the exact same situation but because things were different for you internally and externally, you have a hidden trauma. It’s unresolved, just sitting there waiting to be activated or healed.
The Persistent Echoes: Why “Getting Over It” Is a Myth for Trauma
You see, trauma doesn’t operate on a nice, linear timeline. When something is overwhelmingly stressful, threatening, or goes beyond our capacity to cope, especially if it isn’t safe to process at the time, your body and nervous system hold on to it. This isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a brilliant, albeit sometimes inconvenient, survival mechanism.
Your system essentially puts these experiences on hold, waiting until it feels safe enough to truly feel and understand them. This can be months, years, or even decades later. It doesn’t mean you’re stuck in the past or being dramatic; it just means you’re human, and your system didn’t know what to do with the intense things it was experiencing at the time. The expectation to “get over it” can lead to profound shame and isolation, hindering the very process of healing trauma.
Many adults continue to suffer from childhood trauma because its effects are deeply rooted and persist without proper healing. What we often label as “getting over it” implies a simple mental choice, but trauma affects us at a much deeper, neurobiological level. It fundamentally alters brain and body functioning, influencing our primitive “back brain” responsible for survival responses rather than conscious decision-making.
This explains why willpower alone isn’t enough to simply shake off traumatic memories or their physical sensations. The body keeps the score, and genuine recovery demands a respectful, meticulous process of rewiring the brain and nervous system, rather than mere cognitive choice.
Understanding Trauma: More Than Just a Bad Memory
To truly embrace healing trauma, we must first understand what trauma is—and isn’t. Trauma is not merely a distressing event; it’s a qualitative shift in our neurobiology. It’s an automatic, neurobiological adaptation to perceived threat, operating beyond our conscious control. When we experience something overwhelming, our brain’s alarm system, the amygdala, goes into overdrive, signaling danger. This triggers our autonomic nervous system into “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn” responses. Simultaneously, the hippocampus, responsible for memory formation, may become less active, leading to fragmented memories, and the prefrontal cortex, which handles rational thought, can be inhibited. This means that traumatic memories are often stored differently than regular memories—not as a coherent narrative, but as sensory fragments, emotions, and physical sensations that can be re-experienced as if the event is happening in the present.
This biological response explains why individuals cannot simply “get over” trauma. The intense emotional experiences are deeply stored in the brain and body due to our survival instincts. The brain remains on high alert, triggering these automatic responses that bypass rational thought. For instance, a loud noise or a certain smell can instantly transport someone back to a traumatic moment, even if consciously they know they are safe.
This is not a choice; it is a primal response designed to protect us from perceived danger. The good news is that our brains possess incredible neuroplasticity, meaning they can be re-wired. Through trauma-informed therapy, individuals can develop new coping skills and re-engage their rational brain after triggers, fostering profound change and healing trauma.
The Enduring Impact: When the Past Still Shapes the Present
When trauma remains unaddressed, its impact doesn’t stay neatly confined to the past. Unhealed trauma “leaks out” into our present lives, profoundly affecting our relationships, daily functioning, and overall well-being. What might appear as a partner not contributing, a friend oversharing, or even persistent self-sabotaging behaviors are often unconscious trauma responses rather than character flaws. These patterns are not intentional; they are the nervous system’s way of trying to protect us, even if those strategies are no longer serving us in our current environment.
The continuous impact of unhealed trauma can manifest in various ways, including chronic anxiety, depression, difficulty regulating emotions, relationship issues, and even physical ailments. Emotional triggers, stemming from various forms of trauma, can detrimentally impact relationships by causing repetitive, unresolved conflicts.
Traumatic memories stored in the limbic system can lead to automatic fight, flight, or freeze responses that override logical thought, often worsening over time due to self-blame. This cycle can be incredibly frustrating and isolating, making individuals feel perpetually stuck. It’s crucial to recognize that this isn’t a moral failing, but a biological and psychological reality that requires understanding and support. Acknowledging this reality is a vital first step in your journey of healing trauma.
The True Path to Healing Trauma: Making Sense, Reconnecting, and Finding Safety
If healing isn’t about “getting over it,” then what is it about? At Hope For The Journey, we believe healing is about making sense of what happened, reconnecting with parts of yourself that may have had to go quiet for a while when it was unsafe, and learning to feel safe again within yourself and in the world. This is an active, often challenging, but ultimately transformative process that honors your experiences and resilience.
Healing trauma involves gently guiding your nervous system back to a place of regulation, where it can distinguish between past threats and present safety. It’s about integrating fragmented memories and sensations, allowing the brain to process them in a way that creates a coherent narrative of your experience. This doesn’t erase the past, but it changes your relationship to it, diminishing its power to disrupt your present.
The Role of Trauma-Informed Therapy
Trauma-informed therapies are designed specifically to address the complex ways trauma impacts the brain and body. These approaches understand that symptoms are often adaptive survival responses and work with them, rather than against them. One highly effective modality is EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy. EMDR helps individuals process distressing memories and reduce their emotional impact, allowing for a more adaptive resolution. Other somatic therapies and mind-body approaches also play a crucial role in helping the body release stored trauma and restore a sense of safety.
Through therapeutic support, you learn to:
- Understand Your Triggers: Identify what activates your trauma responses and develop strategies to manage them.
- Regulate Your Nervous System: Learn grounding techniques, mindfulness, and self-soothing practices to bring your body back to a state of calm.
- Process Traumatic Memories: Safely revisit and reprocess experiences in a controlled environment, integrating them into your life story without being overwhelmed.
- Rebuild Internal and External Safety: Cultivate a sense of inner security and establish healthy boundaries in your relationships and environment.
- Reconnect with Your Authentic Self: Discover and embrace parts of yourself that may have been suppressed or hidden due to trauma.
It’s Never Too Late: Embracing Your Healing Journey
The most profound message we can offer about trauma is this: healing has no expiration date. It is never too late to start your journey of recovery. Whether your trauma happened last year or decades ago, your pain matters, and it is worthy of care. Your system’s ability to hold onto an experience until it’s safe enough to process is a testament to your incredible resilience, not a flaw.
Taking the first step towards healing trauma is an act of profound self-compassion. It’s about honoring your past while bravely stepping into a future where you are not defined by what happened to you. This journey can be challenging, but it is also deeply empowering, leading to greater freedom, peace, and connection within yourself and with others. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this path alone. There is hope, and there is support available.
Continue Your Path with Hope For The Journey
At Hope For The Journey, we are committed to providing compassionate, trauma-informed care that supports you in making sense of your past and building a more peaceful present. We invite you to explore more resources on our blog or consider reaching out to our team to see how we can support your unique healing process.
If something still hurts, it matters. It’s worthy of care, no matter how long ago it happened. Healing has no expiration date. It’s never too late to start.
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