Check on Your People. Then Check Again.
September is Suicide Awareness Month, and it’s a time to reflect on how we can better support those around us who may be struggling silently.
Several years ago, we lost a friend—a service member—to suicide. He was the life of the party. Someone everyone adored. He was also the person nobody thought to worry about, and that turned out to matter.
We share this not because his story is unusual, but because the pattern isn’t. The people who seem most okay are often the ones we never think to ask.
If you’re in crisis right now: call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Free, confidential, 24/7. Veterans, service members, National Guard, and Reserve: dial 988 then press 1, or text 838255. Español: marque 988 y presione 2.
What We Get Wrong About “Hiding It Well”
There’s a phrase that circulates every September: the ones who are hurting the most hide it best.
It’s meant kindly. But it quietly tells people that prevention is impossible—that risk is invisible, that nothing you do would have mattered. That’s both untrue and corrosive, especially for people grieving a loss.
Signs are often present. We just don’t always know what we’re looking at.
Common warning signs include:
- Withdrawing from people, activities, or plans
- Talking about being a burden, feeling trapped, or having no reason to go on
- Giving away meaningful possessions or putting affairs in order
- Increased alcohol or substance use
- Dramatic mood shifts—including sudden calm or improvement after a long hard stretch
That last one gets missed the most. Relief in someone who has been struggling is not always recovery. Sometimes it’s the settledness that comes after a decision has been made.
Check on Your People—Then Check Again
During Suicide Awareness Month and beyond, we encourage everyone to reach out to their loved ones. A simple check-in can make all the difference.
And don’t stop at just one conversation—check twice.
“How are you?” is a greeting. Most of us answer it on autopilot. The second ask is what signals you actually want the real answer:
- “No, really—how are you doing?”
- “You’ve seemed quieter lately. What’s going on?”
- “I’ve been thinking about you. Can we talk for real?”
Sometimes people need to know you genuinely care before they feel safe enough to open up. The second question is how they find that out.
Ask the Hard Question Directly
If you’re worried about someone, ask plainly: “Are you thinking about suicide?”
Most people hesitate here, because of a fear that naming it might plant the idea. That fear is understandable and it is not supported by the evidence. A meta-analysis of thirteen studies examining exactly this question found no significant harmful effects from asking about suicidality—including among people already at elevated risk. (Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior)
Asking directly doesn’t create risk. It gives someone permission to tell the truth.
If they say yes:
- Stay calm and stay present. You don’t need to have answers.
- Don’t leave them alone if the risk feels immediate.
- Call or text 988 together—you can be on the line with them.
- Help reduce access to lethal means while they’re at risk.
- Follow up tomorrow, and the day after. Follow-up is part of the intervention, not an afterthought.
You are not expected to be a clinician. You’re expected to be the person who noticed and stayed.
If You’re Struggling, Please Reach Out
If you’re someone who is carrying a heavy burden, please know that you don’t have to face it alone.
- Call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
- Veterans and service members: 988, press 1, or text 838255
- Contact a therapist who can provide ongoing professional support
A crisis line and a therapist do different jobs. 988 is there for the hardest hours. Therapy is where the underlying weight actually gets addressed.
At Hope For The Journey, we believe that no one should have to carry their pain in isolation. Our trauma therapy and EMDR therapy services are designed to help you work through difficult experiences and find healing—and our sliding scale exists so that cost isn’t the reason someone goes without care.
You Matter
Your life has value, and there are people who care deeply about your well-being. Whether you’re supporting someone else or seeking help for yourself, taking that first step is an act of courage.
We can’t know everything about what someone is carrying. But we can ask. We can ask twice. And we can ask directly.
What’s one small way you can check in on someone this week?
If you or someone you know is struggling, please don’t wait. Reach out today.
You can also watch this video for more insights:
