6 Anger
Management
Strategies For
Teens
Jan 25, 2022 | By: Hope for the Journey
Have you ever felt so angry that you hurt yourself or someone close to you? When you calmed down, did you regret that choice? Have you felt out of control and like your anger was running the show?
I get it. It happens to a lot of us.
Gallup, a large polling company, recently surveyed 160,000 people in 116 countries during 2020 and early 2021 with a Global Emotions Report. The polling results showed that more people felt “stressed, sad, angry and worried in 2020 more than at any point in Gallup’s global tracking.” Anger management in Austin, Texas, and around the world is a major issue right now. Rage can be difficult to manage, and sometimes we go to extremes to avoid getting angry. The problem with avoiding anger is when you try to numb or push down one feeling. When you do this, it builds up over time and can lead to explosions. Luckily, there’s a better way to deal with anger.
Anger Management in Austin and Round Rock, TX
Anger Management Strategy #1: Anger Is Normal
Did you know, anger is actually healthy? It is a natural human experience to feel anger. It helps us to make choices that will keep us safe from harm. It helps us stand up to people who are treating us in a bad way. When we are angry, it can be easier to say no or set a boundary.
Anger Management Strategy #2: Anger Is Rarely The Only Feeling Going On
While anger might be normal, we all know it can also CAUSE harm. So, it’s important to understand your anger and why you are angry.
What if I told you that most times, you aren’t actually angry? Okay, you may be ACTUALLY angry. But, also there is another emotion underneath the anger. Anger can often be a ‘secondary emotion’. That means that our anger comes from something else, usually fear or sadness.
Anger Management Strategy #3: Anger is Manageable
So what can you do? When you find yourself starting to feel angry, take a deep breath (or a few!). Try to understand what you are ACTUALLY feeling.
For example, your pet runs out onto the street and almost gets injured. Your immediate response might be to yell and reprimand the pet for disobeying. You might think, I’m so mad at Buddy for not listening to me!
Now, take a moment to get in tune with your body and your brain. Are you actually mad at Buddy? You may be a little. What might be under that anger, though? Could you instead be feeling fear? It’s scary to see your pet almost injured. Our fear can often fuel an angry response, even though it’s not the root emotion.
So now you’re asking, well, how do I even find that root emotion?!
STOP and THINK.
If you find yourself bubbling up with anger, try to STOP, breathe, and THINK about what the real feeling is. That can help you to react in a calm and honest way. Practice communicating the root feeling rather than reacting in anger.
Stop, Breathe, & Think It Through
Anger Management Strategy #4: 5 Ways To Stop
Of course, sometimes pausing when we are angry is hard. You may need more than a few deep breaths. Try these strategies when you’re needing help on the STOP:
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Think of something that brings you joy
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Someone that cheers you up
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A place that you love to be
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A thing that you enjoy (It’s iced coffee for me!)
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Scan your body
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Start at your toes and scan each part of your body, moving up slowly and in a non-judgmental way.
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Take deep breaths in places you notice tension.
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Use your senses
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Smell a soothing scent, like a candle or essential oil
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Have a piece of chocolate or a hard candy
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Squeeze a stress ball or clench and release your fists
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Listen to a calm sound or song
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Move your body
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If you can, take a walk, stretch, or exercise
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Cool down, literally!
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Use an ice pack or ice cubes to physically cool your body down
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Anger Management Strategy #5: Understand Yourself
Now that you’ve been able to STOP, it’s time to THINK. Reflect on the situation and try to identify that root emotion. Were you feeling fearful? Sad? Be honest with yourself. If it starts to feel overwhelming again, go back to the STOP.
Here are some extra questions you can ask yourself to help understand what is going on for you before and during that anger burst:
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Where do I notice the anger in my body?
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What was happening right before I started feeling angry?
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Is there a story I am telling myself about the situation or myself that might be making things worse?
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Using the example of your dog Buddy running into the street, are you saying to yourself that no one ever shows you any respect?
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This story–that no one ever shows you any respect–is not true and not helpful. I mean, even someone with very bad relationships in their life gets shown SOME respect at some point by someone. Even if it’s only by the barista at Starbucks.
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Usually, any time you are saying something is ALWAYS or NEVER something, you are telling yourself a story that’s not true and/or helpful.
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Could I be sad or scared about something?
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Are there any times when I’ve felt this way before? If so, is it possible that I’m reacting in a stronger way to this situation in the here and now because I’m not over whatever happened in the past?
Anger Management Strategy #6: Respond Rather Than React
Once you understand what is going on for you, you have a better idea of what to do for yourself. For example, let’s continue with the Buddy example. You now know you are scared, not angry. So, your response might be very different than yelling and reprimanding now:
You might think, I’m so glad you’re safe. You snuggle him close and start thinking of ways to make sure he doesn’t get loose again.
Now you are making intentional choices that affect your future in a positive way rather than regretting impulsive reactions that hurt you or those around you.
Anger can be hard to navigate, but it doesn’t have to be. Hope For The Journey has anger management therapy options online and right here in Round Rock, and Austin, Texas. Contact our Care Coordinator to schedule an appointment. Let us help you learn to manage your anger and understand yourself better.