How to be an LGTBQIA+ Ally all Year Long

People don’t stop being gay or feeling as though they are in the wrong body once Pride Month is over; discrimination, hate, and inequality don’t stop either. Here are seven tips on how to be an ally all year long.

Being an LGBTQIA+ Ally Tip #1: Learn and Use Inclusive Language and Terminology

As humans, we like to put things in nice little categories, and our language around LGBTQIA+ issues reflects that. Learn the terminology that is preferred among LGBT members and doesn’t exclude people from conversations. For example:

• Say “all genders” instead of “both genders,” or “opposite sex.” This acknowledges the existence of more than two genders.
• Say “gay” instead of “homosexual.” The term homosexual is indicative of a diagnosis and no one wants to be labeled by their diagnosis.
• Say “transgender people” and “cisgender people” instead of “normal people.”
• Say “Good morning, everyone,” instead of “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.”

It’s also important to learn appropriate terminology when speaking about sex, gender, and sexual orientation or sexuality.

A lot of people get caught up in the idea that sex and gender are the same things and therefore your gender identity can only be male or female. That’s not the case! 

Sex is the term we use to identify the sexual biology (genitalia, hormones, genes, and chromosomes) an individual has when they are born. Typically, humans are identified as male, female, or intersex.

Gender is the social and cultural expression of femininity, masculinity, and its variations. These expressions include roles, behaviors, relationships, and attributes that don’t have to correspond with a person’s biological sex. Gender is fluid and changes as our society and culture change. Before women were allowed to work outside the home, having a job – something that only men could have – was considered a masculine norm. Today, nobody would label employment as inherently masculine. 

Sexual orientation or sexuality is all about who a person is attracted to and drawn to romantically and sexually. This again is not a one-or-the-other type of situation and doesn’t have to be static.

The Human Rights Campaign’s glossary can help you learn the correct terminology to be inclusive of the LGBTQIA+ community. 

Being an LGBTQIA+ Ally Tip #2: Respect Pronouns

Addressing people by their preferred pronouns is respectful and inclusive. It’s so easy to do. We use people’s preferred pronouns every single day. But, for some, it’s harder to use the correct pronouns when an individual doesn’t fit into the tiny box that our society finds acceptable (straight and cis-gendered). So, respect people’s pronouns and get comfortable with asking instead of assuming.

Being an LGBTQIA+ Ally Tip #3: Share Your Own Pronouns

Sharing your pronouns normalizes identifying and talking about gender. This can be as simple as adding your preferred pronouns to your email signature. Or, stating what your pronouns are when you introduce yourself. It sends a clear message that individual preferences are important to you. It also prevents accidental misgendering and shows that you won’t make assumptions about someone else’s identity.

Being an LGBTQIA+ Ally Tip #4: Check Your Values & Beliefs

Being an ally is super easy if you already believe that all people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect regardless of their identity. If respect for your fellow humans isn’t a value or belief you hold, there can be some underlying reasons that can be helpful to explore! We’ve all fallen into distorted thinking at some point, but sometimes past traumas can contribute to getting stuck in thinking distortions like black-or-white thinking or overgeneralization. 

An example of black-or-white thinking is believing that things are either good or bad, right or wrong, normal or abnormal, and nothing in between. That simply isn’t true. Life is nuanced and full of gray areas. Black-or-white thinking causes us to live in extremes. 

Someone who overgeneralizes may think something like, “The person who did that bad thing was gay, therefore all gay people must be bad.” The world would sure feel safer if we could attribute the bad actions of one member of a group to the entire group, but that’s not accurate.

On top of cognitive distortions, past traumas can also lead to hypervigilance where we are constantly on alert for potential dangers. Since the lifestyles of LGBTQIA+ people may seem inexplicable and foreign to some, our traumatized systems can translate that as dangerous.

It can feel uncomfortable to look at ourselves, but gaining insight into our values and beliefs leads to growth, and therapy is a great place to start! 

Being an LGBTQIA+ Ally Tip #5: Speak Up

Challenge the people around you when they make degrading jokes or comments about the LGBT community or its members. People who make insensitive jokes probably aren’t going to be open to a lecture or logical debate, so clearly expressing your disapproval is the way to go.